I never thought I'd actually be sitting here writing my birth story!
41+5 days and I was beyond impatient, pacing (waddling) around our town, my phone on silent as the constant calls and messages were driving me crazy, 2 sweeps, a few false alarms, I had thoroughly had enough of being pregnant now!
Throughout my pregnancy I was absolutely convinced I would give birth early, so to have gotten to the overdue stage was a shock to me, I remember my Midwife, Naomi wondering the same thing.
I had spent the last month googling every possible way to bring on labour, I bounced on that damn ball every day and night willing for pains to come and then slowly freaking out if things did ramp up a little!
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I was due to be induced at 41+6 days - Tuesday morning, this was something Naomi had set in place for me, however I had planned to ask for further monitoring over a few more days because I was absolutely petrified of the idea of being induced.
I had been reading online that a few people had been on the swings at there local park and so when Sam came home from work on the Monday around 4.30pm, I quickly forced him out of the door, we slowly walked around the park, which luckily isn't too far from our house, it took every last piece of my effort to make it around, its quite hilly & we ended lastly in the children's area at the swings!
I think he genuinely didn't believe this very heavily pregnant women was actually going to swing her way into labour, but, yes I sure did!
After a few minutes, I remember feeling like I needed to get off as I just didn't quite feel right and said to Sam we needed to go, I was quite exhausted by now and just felt the need to be at home!
Once we were home we made dinner as usual, I bounced on my ball for a little bit and then decided I was going to go to bed, I’d got to the point where I was admitting defeat to being induced and figured I might as well prepare myself for the morning, I started watching my Positive Birth Company hypnobirthing videos on induction, something I’d decided throughout my pregnancy I didn’t want to watch as I didn’t want to believe that this would be the road I’d have to go down but alas, there I was the night before preparing myself!
I actually felt quite positive after those and locked my phone, faced it down on the bedside table and felt almost ready and accepting of what was going to be, Wolfe clearly had other plans though!
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About 10 minutes after I locked my phone I started to feel these little niggles down in the bottom of my tummy, almost like very mild period pains and an urge to go to the toilet, during the niggly pains I decided to message Sam’s mum as we’d been speaking just before bed and I knew she would still be awake, I explained what I was feeling and she told me to go to the bathroom, once there I realised I was covered in blood (soz) down there and there was a big lump of blood in the bottom of the toilet (again soz) I actually got really scared as I’d heard of ‘the bloody show’ but I didn’t expect it to look quite like that!
By that point I realised something clearly was happening but still didn’t think I was in full labour as I wasn’t having the excruciating pains I was expecting.
I woke Sam up and said I thought I was having contractions and we started to time them on the Freya app (PBC) they were coming really fast, some 1.5 minutes some 45 seconds in between, I was confused as I’d read and watched that contractions come on slowly and with large gaps in between them to begin with.
We called the birthing centre and double checked whether or not we should be coming in at this point as they were very fast, we were told to wait a little while longer, as I was so calm they didn’t think I could be in established labour just yet, however after about 45 minutes we decided to call them back and say they were still coming fast and we would like to come and be checked!
Sam made us a coffee each to take with us, so chilled and I sat on the bench of our dining table, calm and actually joking that it wasn’t painful at all, I clearly can’t be in labour yet?
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The drive over to the birth centre I can barely recollect, I remember us leaving the house with all our bags in the dark of night, waddling down to the car, it was cold and I remember feeling so calm still, the chill of the air was fresh and I was excited that we were potentially going to be meeting our baby, I was giddy!
We pulled up and I remember struggling to get through the hallway to the midwife led unit, I stopped half way to get through a contraction, once there we waited a little while as there was another lady being checked before us, I could hear her really moaning in pain, I wasn’t anywhere at that level so definitely thought we were going to be sent straight home again!
We were then taken into a room to be checked, again I don’t remember much it all seems very hazy a year on, I remember having a few contractions whilst the midwife was filling out our paper work and then I was asked to undress my bottom half and pop onto the table where she checked to see if I was dilated, she was shocked “you’re 4.5cm dilated, We can start filling up the pool” as I’m writing those words my eyes are welling up, the elation of knowing I was meeting our baby and I wasn’t being induced was bloody insane, Sam was excited and we hurried into the birthing room as fast as we could!
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The room was so calm, the water filling the tub, I had a plan of using all these lovely essential oils in the water and having our music playing in the background, we didn’t use any of it, of course!
I remember popping my green T-shirt dress on over my bra and just willing the pool to hurry up.
Once it was ready I got in and felt almost instant relief from the amazing warm water, honestly the best bath you could imagine, the sense of relief from the pain was almost immediate and I felt this huge smile on my face, I looked at Sam and was just so so happy!
The contractions started to ramp up a little, they were hard but bearable, through every one I needed to hold Sam’s hand or the side of the pool, and just grit through them.
Daphne the midwife was saying how well I was doing through them and I said “please stop telling me how well I’m doing as when I get into proper labour I won’t be doing so well”
She laughed and said “I’m afraid you can’t get in more established labour than this”!
I think I genuinely still didn’t believe this was it, it just wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, I started to get a little urge to push and felt like I needed to go to the toilet, I got out of the pool and headed to the toilet for a wee, this was actually quite hard and I remember regretting this choice once I was there, everything is far easier when you’re in the water and you feel weightless!
I was there for quite a while as, quite honestly, it was a struggle to give myself the energy to get back to the pool, which bearing in mind was pretty much 2 metres at most away from me.
Daphne had registered I was really struggling at this point for strength and decided to give me a drink of lucozade sport out of our labour bag and try and get me to eat something, I couldn’t even stomach the thought of food, I had some of the drink and managed to make it back to the pool.
During the stints in the pool they were checking on the baby with what I presume is a Doppler? And I remember hating every single check, each one was worse than the other as they took me completely out of my calm pain free zone and just aggravated me, another thing that’s just popped into my head that annoyed me was that lovely Daphne didn’t stop talking, she was happily chatting away to Sam, who at this point was sat in an armchair chilling with his third cup of coffee she’d made him, talking about how her son was going to be decorating her living room, at one point I think I told them both to shut up talking as they were driving me mad 🙈
I needed to get out of the pool, I wanted to be on all fours, I was leant over the couch in the room and just groaning through contractions at this point, I was getting really exhausted and almost felt like I couldn’t go on any further, I kept saying he isn’t coming out, he isn't coming out, he’s stuck, please stop telling me to push as he isn’t coming, please listen to me, he isn’t coming!
I absolutely knew he was stuck, I’d known for ages, I just had this intuition and they weren’t listening to me, of course they thought I was just being a typical woman in labour getting to the point of pushing.
The second midwife on duty, Michelle had come in at this point and they decided to check up there to see what was going on, they noticed my waters still hadn’t gone, they could see the babies head was so close she said it was bulging and explained they were going to manually break them; out come a hook and up they went to break them, hardly any water came out and this worried them, considering I was now 2 weeks overdue it was to be expected but I think at this point they knew they were going have to phone an ambulance to be on standby.
They kept saying PUSH with everything you’ve got and I was, I couldn’t push more if my life depended on it, he wasn’t coming!
The call was made and an ambulance was on its way, I remember hearing their conversation; the ambulance must’ve said they’ll be around an hour and they were saying “NO GET HERE NOW”.
They knew he was stuck, finally we were getting somewhere.
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The wait for the ambulance felt like it took a lifetime and by this point they’d told me I couldn’t push anymore, I had to hold in my strong uncontrollable urges to push, something that is totally unnatural to a birthing woman, but for the safety of my son I had to.
The ambulance ride to the hospital was absolutely horrific and something I would never want to redo ever again, the driver didn’t know the area and went the back routes to the hospital, over every bump you could imagine, it was excruciating holding the pain and urges in whilst being hurdled over the road, never again!
Sam followed in the car, we arrived at the hospital and went straight up to a pre theatre room, Michelle had come with me from the birth centre and I’m so thankful she had as it took Sam ages to get there and to then find us and I’d have been left alone with the hospital staff which I was petrified of, I told her I was scared.
One thing I didn’t want to end up with is a ceaserean and I feared this was my fate.
I had to sign paperwork from the doctor on duty explaining they were going to try a few interventions to deliver the baby safely and if all failed I would be operated on.
To do so I had to be given a spinal block, my second biggest fear and I refused at first, I absolutely did not want any form of pain relief, I’d had none up until this point and I really wanted to go without it!
The doctor explained that what I was about to go through would be 100 times more painful than I’m experiencing without a spinal block, I agreed and signed the papers!
Finally Sam got up to the room, was handed scrubs as soon as he stepped in the room and eventually I was wheeled into theatre.
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I was given the spinal block, and the pain diminished almost instantly, maybe these weren’t so bad!
I was so calm still, something I whole heartedly put down to the hypnobirthing.
The surgeons (I presume?) explained what they were going to be doing and started with forceps, I don’t really remember feeling much of them doing this as I was obviously very numb, some have said they refer to it as a tugging sensation but I honestly don’t remember!
They could see his head and further explained they were going to have to make a little cut to allow room for him to come out.
I was happy for them to do so, by this point I just wanted him here safely, they were monitoring his heart rate which kept dipping and they knew he needed to get out quickly and safely too!
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Everything went by in such a fast blur, I heard this huge cry and our son was lifted out and placed straight on my chest all I could do was cry and say “he’s here, he’s here, he’s finally here” to Sam, who looked just totally overwhelmed and as shocked and happy as me!
They took him off fairly quickly as they needed to do some checks on him, I think Sam cut the cord and off they took him! He came back to Sam for some cuddles and I just kept staring at them in awe and disbelief that our son was really here.
I was losing a lot of blood, they were concerned and were doing everything they could to control the bleeding, even throughout this I was still so calm and just watched them in amazement of how incredible they were working away, I could see a huge table of trays absolutely filled with bloody gauze, I was probably totally unaware of actually how critical that moment was and actually I’m quite happy to keep that recollection too!
About an hour of them sewing me up later, I was allowed to hold our baby again, he was absolutely perfect and I couldn’t believe how beautiful he was, I kissed him and just knew my life was totally different now!
We were wheeled into the post theatre room where my mum was waiting for us and she just cried, it was pretty amazing to just be holding our baby with my husband and my mum there, I was so content and just bloody tired to say the least!
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My birth was totally not what I had planned for, I don’t think you ever can plan these things, every birth is as individual to you as the next person, but that’s not to say it’s ever going to go to plan or fall into place quite how you expect it to.
However I wouldn’t change anything about it, it was the most amazing, life changing experience I’ve ever gone through and memories I will treasure for my lifetime, I thank the world every day that I managed to experience one of life's greatest pleasures.
Wolfe Jax Shoebridge
April 16th 2019
12:06pm
7lbs 8oz
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